If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
