haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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