The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
