Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
