I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
