My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
