We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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