I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
