me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
