i think i have two assholes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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