My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
