What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
