i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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