I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
