So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
