Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
