I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
