Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
