wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
