why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
