I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
