I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
