batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
