his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
