I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
