You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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