I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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