4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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