I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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