I wish my penis had an off switch
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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