Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate all girls vehemently.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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