Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
