i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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