Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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