Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
