I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
