also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
