I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
