I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I need to stop coming to work sober
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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