The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
