forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
