he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
