Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
