my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
