Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
