I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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