so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
