Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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