"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
