I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
