I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
