Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We talked him into tasing himself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
