Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
