omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
