You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
