Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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